Do you think anyone would notice if I started talking like this?

In his Telegraph UK column, Oliver Pritchett has struck a chord for grace and elegance in language.

Think how much more beautiful our airports would be if this message told us to mind our bags:

"Put not thy trust in bags that are unattended, for it may be the work of thine enemies who seek to devour thee. Go forth first and find a man who travaileth in the terminal and speak unto him, saying, 'Behold, this suitcase standeth alone like a rock in the desert.' Then shall the man seek out the forgetful person who left the suitcase there and he shall chastise him."

Or this warning:

"Great is this carton for it containeth a brand new personal computer. Let its ways be for ever upright. Let no man smite and let not the rain fall down upon it. For if the heathen droppeth it from a great height it will be destroyed and all its software with it and the heathen will then rend his garments and hide his face."

Lo, my heart bends to form such beauty of speech from the words of my mouth, but my soul quails within me, for those who travail beside me would laugh me to scorn, and those among whom I dwell would rend their garments and cry out to the LORD: "Alas! for our mom has gone off the deep end at last, and we are smitten with grief, for it was hard enough to understand her before!"

Verily did this link come from GetReligion.