Greeks sue Macedonians for trademark infringement

Bear International News Service

SKOPJE (BINS exclusive) -- In a case destined to make world litigation history, Greece has hired the Microsoft team of lawyers to sue Macedonia for trademark infringement.

Until recently, Macedonia was called the Former Republic of Yugoslavia That Thinks It Can Get Away with Being Called Macedonia (or FRYTTICGAWBCM), and it made the case that "Macedonia" was only 7 percent of its name, so the Greeks didn't pursue litigation.

Now, in the aftermath of the U.S. election, and with a renewed mandate for "simplisme," re-elected President George W. Bush has directed his administration to start calling the small Eastern European country "Macedonia."

"I'm a simple man," the president said, "and it takes longer to say 'FRYTTICGAWBCM' than it took Macedonia to get its troops into the field in Afghanistan and Iraq."

Greece objects to the name because it has a province called "Macedonia," and because Alexander the Great was from Macedonia. "Our control of the trademark 'Macedonia,'" said a spokesman for the legal effort, "is a keystone to Greece's claim on domination of world culture. We are counting economic damages in the billions, plus loss of world reputation and self-esteem."

The World Court in The Hague, Belgium, agreed to docket the case as soon as the Milosevic trial is over.

American trial attorney John Edwards, currently unemployed, has been approached to lead the litigation effort. No word yet on whether he will take on the case.